i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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