What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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