she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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