My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
You can't special order awesome
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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