somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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