Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
