dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
