i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
