I'm lost and stupid without you.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
