It's like God shit irony all over that family
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
