They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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