He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
me + whiskey = a bad person
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
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