getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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