my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
