I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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