apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.