the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
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His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
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This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?