I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
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Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
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yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts