Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
