I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Randomize
