Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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