4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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