And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
