Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
