we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
