State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
