Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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