Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
