hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
