dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
