My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
