Ambien. No doubt about it.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
