I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
My ass is underappreciated
You ate ashes out of my bong
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
