So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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