there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
