We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
