After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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