In the future we'll all be gay
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
