and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
