Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
