Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
