yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
