Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
