i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
