Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Randomize
