can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
