what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
