im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Randomize
