I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
