I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Randomize
