another moral hangover. fuck.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
