My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
