You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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