he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
