I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Randomize
