You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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