Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
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