I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
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He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
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The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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