neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
