We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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