I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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