Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
