I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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