you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
