and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
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