I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
