You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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