I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Randomize
