Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
