He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
please come you make the beer taste better
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
