I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Randomize
