You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
